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» Hi there
Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:12 pm by MRwhat69

» SPAM ! who likes pie?
Tue Mar 03, 2009 1:59 pm by Owl Assassin

» Jokes
Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:06 am by suffocation

» im back
Wed Feb 18, 2009 6:23 am by Xenomorph

» Xmas is over!!!
Sat Jan 10, 2009 7:15 am by solaris2000

» Problems with Research
Thu Dec 25, 2008 2:39 pm by Xenomorph

» What do you guys think?
Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:31 am by THEBIGGUY

» Welcome to U.F.P.
Sat Dec 20, 2008 9:53 pm by THEBIGGUY

Poll
What do you guys think of the awards system?
Great
50%
 50% [ 3 ]
Good
50%
 50% [ 3 ]
Okay
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Bad
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 6

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 Jokes

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Owl Assassin

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Age : 25
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PostSubject: Jokes   Mon Jan 05, 2009 2:40 pm

We always need a laugh
Why not sumit our favourite jokes to this thread?
Starting with my favourite

Man walks into a bar
Ouch
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:43 pm

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "THE" seven
dwarfs they get ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack.

"Dopey my son," says the Pope,

"What can I do for you?"

Dopey asks,
"Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
>>
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and
answers,
"No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling. Dopey turns around
And gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to face the Pope.
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers,
"No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."

This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey
Turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Pope and says,
"Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"

The Pope answers,
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on
the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks and all begin chanting:

"Dopey shagged a penguin!"

"Dopey shagged a penguin!"


cheers xeno
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:44 pm

Blonde On A Plane

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE
IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES
TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS,
AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID
FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT
SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES,
'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL,
I'M GOING TO TORONTO ,
AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE'.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT
AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT
THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO
SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY,
AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE
AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE
SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL
HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES,
'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL,
I'M GOING TO TORONTO ,
AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE'.

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE
PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING
WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE
WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, 'YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE?
I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED
TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE'.

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND
WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS,
'OH, I'M SORRY,' AND GETS UP AND GOES
BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT
ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID
TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.


'I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO
' '.


cheers xeno
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:45 pm

Don't take a man shopping..
>
> This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer
> In Oxford:
>
> Dear Mrs. Murray,
>
> While we thank you for your valued custom and
> use of the Tesco
> Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
>
> and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
>
>
> Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
> surveillance cameras:
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
> trolleys when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
> 5-minute intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine
> products aisle.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
> tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.
>
> 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
> area.
>
> 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told
> shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas
> stove.
>
> 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he
> began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
>
> 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
> picked his nose, and ate it.
>
> 9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives
> in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
> antidepressants were.
>
> 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
> the "Mission Impossible" theme.
>
> 11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the
> "Madonna
> look" using different size funnels.
>
> 12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
> "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
>
> 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed
> the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."
>
> And; last, but not least:
>
> 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
> while; then yelled, very loudly,
> "There is no toilet paper in here."
>
> Yours sincerely,
>
> Charles Brown
> Store Manager


cheers xeno
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:46 pm

Why men don't write advice columns
Dear Peter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Best regards

Peter



cheers xeno
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:36 pm

> Interesting Year 1981
> 1. Prince Charles got married
> 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
> 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
> 4. Pope Died
>
> Interesting Year 2005
> 1. Prince Charles got married
> 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
> 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
> 4. Pope Died
>
> Lesson Learned
> The next time Charles gets married...someone warn the Pope



cheers xeno
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PostSubject: Nice Joke   Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:08 pm

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, the grim reaper is still trying to get up the courage to tell him
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:03 am

The Dead Camel
A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara dessert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their
situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. "Well, Sister,this looks pretty grim." "I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree," says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything, Father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister, would you mind if I touched them?" She consented
and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Yes, Sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the Priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh Father, may I touch it?"
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."
"Is that true Father?"
"Yes, it is, Sister."
"Oh Father, that's wonderful ... stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:04 am

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in
a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything
you
want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is a husband.
**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showedim a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> >
> > "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> >
> > "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
> >
> > **************************************************
> >
> > Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in
the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."
**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> >
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my
GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM
NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE
BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER isten to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

> > The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think
> > I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> >
> > The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:05 am

Mildred, 93, was despondent over the Recent death of her husband Earl, So she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking it would be best to get it Over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to Shoot herself in the heart since it was
So badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become
A vegetable and a burden to someone, she called
Her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.

"Since you're a woman," The doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?"

She hung up without answering

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital ,
With a gunshot wound to her knee.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:06 am

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a 'Sniffer dog'. 'His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says:
Watch this.' He tells Smithy to 'search'.

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says: 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.'

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Smith y to 'search' again.

Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to shit all over the place.

The first man is really amazed out by this behaviour and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the agent 'What's going on?'

The agent nervously replies, 'He just found a bomb.'
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:08 am

Understanding Engineers - Take One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a Particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
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Xenomorph



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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:15 am

The International Council of Man Laws
>
>
>
> 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
> 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
>
> (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
> (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
> (d) When she is using her teeth.
>
> 3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
> eaten by his friends.
>
> 4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
> forever unless you actually marry her.
>
> 5:Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
> (However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.)
>
> 6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
> In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that
> point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
>
> 7: In the mini-bus on a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
> stops, not the weakest.
>
> 8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event in a pub, you
> may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose
> playing.
>
> 9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
> climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
> entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's
> officially your girlfriend.
>
> 10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
> sunning on a tropical beach .. and it's delivered by a topless model and
> only when it's free.
>
> 11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
> kick another guy in the nuts.
>
> 12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
> 13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Never Ever. Issue closed.
>
> 14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
>
> 15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
> treacherous spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
> ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers i.e. Men.
>
> 16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
> sober enough to fight.
>
> 17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
> but not both, that's just greedy.
>
> 18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
> his choice of beer.
>
> 19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
> except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
> 20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e.,
> both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
> almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
> 21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
> you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
> necessary.
>
> 22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
> carnal, drunken monkey sex.. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
> is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
> occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>
> 23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
> to drive yours.
>
> 24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green,
> orange or sky blue.
>
> 25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
> with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360 & Medal of
> Honour 4 End of story.
>
> 26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
> Ever.
>
> 27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
> know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
> definition of each is listed below:
>
> "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
> assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you
> still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
>
> "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
> perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the
> !!! and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"
>
>
>
> 28: If she asks you if she looks fat, she probably is, but on no account
> tell her. Just lie your arse off or you will never get laid again.
>
>
>
> 29: Breasts were always designed to be looked at, it's what we do best
>
>
>
> 30: Yes and No are always perfectly adequate answers to every question.
>
>
>
> 31: Only help a woman with a problem if she wants it solving, that's what
> men do. Sympathy is her girlfriends are for.
>
>
>
> 32: Crying is malicious blackmail.
>
> I hope this clears up any confusion,
>
> The International Council of Man Laws
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 10:29 am

So there are two Poles who are unemployed and depressed and decide to make a day of it by going to the local zoo. They see the bears, the alligators, girafees, etc. and when the get to the lion's cage they see the male lion casually licking his testicles, without a care in the world and if no one were watching him.

Stanislov says to Iric: "I would love to be able to do that!"

Iric replies: "Don't be crazy Stan! He would tear you to shreds before you could get that close!"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 10:30 am

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,

'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
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Owl Assassin

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:27 pm

Two blondes are walking in a forest, they find some tracks.
One of them argues they're badger tracks, the other argues they're fox.
They decide to follow them and see where they lead.
10 minutes later they're run over by a train
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suffocation

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:43 am

LMFAO wtf they must be real blonde lol lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Jan 09, 2009 10:12 am

Mother Superior gathers her nuns together to make an important announcement...

"Sisters, it has come to my attention that there is a case of gohnorea in the convent" she says.

The young blonde nun comments " Thank heaven, I'm getting tired of the chardonnay"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:07 am

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

Cool What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:08 am

Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

Cool What color is a purple finch? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)


What do you mean, you failed? Me, too..
(And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:09 am

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER
DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE
ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY
USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR
A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE
A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES.. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40... IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE
DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.


Last edited by Xenomorph on Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:11 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:10 am

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR
ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE
STAIRS.


cheers Xeno
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:20 am

LMFAO man thats hillarios i like the female one Razz
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:51 am

Yeah got heaps on this computer but alot of it is powerpoint jokes and things and cant be assed uploading pics etc.

cheers xeno
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Tue Feb 17, 2009 10:27 am

DAm that sucks
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